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Rigid Felt

by Valerie Flor

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1.
thorny vines 01:05
thorny vines for bow ties a spine laid out over cantaloupe rind in the early heat of november i felt the earth turning over and i walked lashes across my eyes and counted the goosebumps I've gathered preparing this ship for a season away from the pier but pretending has gotten the best of me pack a suitcase of old clothes and pine tree leaves
2.
water is in my ear only feeling my legs shift i embrace this gentle noise as a word for silence feel this start loving me something inside my body
3.
I'm worried about you, for me I've never seen that bone break on a body before yours I'm worried that being this far is more like a blanket than a door sidewalks split beneath you, I'm sorry I never knew to think of your name like that we grew up in different parts of the country i prayed back then i would've taken me longer to stop longer to stop trying to touch god maybe you could've known what i meant when i said i was ugly
4.
rigid chest 02:26
my rigid chest isn't soft I'm sorry you feel the need to sleep like this retire the wood until it rots i can't see us getting cold anytime soon but my cotton fist is amongst this and by the time i can use my hands they're already too chewed through trying to lift you up but I'm not strong enough
5.
I've never felt like I've remembered a full year of my life before the eggshells broke inside by skin I'm a visible freak now and there's no turning back the house i grew up in was raised wrong I've never felt like I've remembered a full year of my life before a gentle boat inside a violent sea embrace my body gravity in water and swallow the breathing of the ocean around me but I've never spread my legs for another person before i know your here but I've been scared recently stay with me please stay with me
6.
the birds at my feet don't run they're used to human bodies more than i could ever be enveloped in a back and forth spiral I'm jealous of this subconscious embrace take for granted this relationship but never forget me I'm fearful and I'm scary
7.
realizing you were a kid once you put your knees in gardens but couldn't stand up rode the dog across the lawn once tried new foods and then tried new ones and i realize that I'm not cunning i grew up with long arms and long toes stuffed in sneakers a machine to make noise but california why don't you relax new england's warm too
8.
coyote 02:36
i shot my gun in a puddle of blood i never saw it ripple because my eyes were closed barreling down the driveway it felt like my hands were unzipping a jacket breaking the barrier of skin releasing the wound to world never found a word for it if i ever understand a crushed skull steel skin and wool my body, no blood i feel drained and empty i killed a coyote
9.
all at once 02:36

credits

released March 31, 2018

chelsea ellsworth - (guitar, vocals)
tony tibbetts - (bass)
tyler lambeth - (drums)

recorded by chelsea ellsworth

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Valerie Flor Boston, Massachusetts

drums and guitar in SEED

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